Writing 101, Day Seventeen:
What are you scared of? Address one of your worst fears. If you’re up for a twist, write this post in a style that’s different from your own.
I am afraid to not being there for my kids and grandkids, or something happening and I can’t fix it for them. I know that I can’t fix everything or take care of everything for them. I’ve always been the caretaker and it is hard to let it go and not keep wanting to do it. When I was working full time I could more afford to do that but now I can’t and that really bothers me. I can spend more time with them now and hopefully that makes up for some other things. When kids are used to getting everything they want and more too from you it is hard for them to understand sometimes that things change. I am afraid of what will happen to them when I am no longer here, and I hate putting these words on paper. It just makes me face those fears more than I want to.
I am afraid that I won’t be able to handle my classes that I have signed up for. I have been sick this week and when I get this upper respiratory mess it takes me about a month to get back to whatever is normal for me. I won’t say normal, because as you guys have figured out by now, there’s nothing “normal” here… I had to withdraw from a class that was starting this week because I’m still trying to finish two other classes, write two papers and study for final exams.
What else am I afraid of? I am afraid that something will happen to one of my grandkids, I’ve come close to losing two of them already and lost one shortly after birth. I am afraid that something will happen to one of my sons, came very close twice with my younger son years ago when he was a teenager. When you lose a child/grandchild I think you face your own mortality and don’t like what you see.
I have to force myself to deal with these fears and not let them consume me. I don’t dwell on them, I can’t, if I did I couldn’t function and take care of work, school and day to day “stuff”. We all have these same fears in some form or another, the key is figuring out how to deal with them.