Tag Archives: anxiety

Time flies by…

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I started this blogging journey in December 2013 thinking I wouldn’t make it through a couple of months.  Here it is a year later and I’m still here.  Some months have been pretty slow posting wise, not so much life being slow.  As a family we’ve been through a lot this past year.  Dealing with the bullying of my grandson in the spring and then with finally getting the diagnosis of Autism.  He was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome but due to the changes in the DSM-V he falls under Autism now.

Had a pretty quiet summer, got the pool up and working even with dealing with a leak in a new liner.  Spent a lot of hours on the mower in the “back 40” from March through October.  One of my favorite things to do outside.  In the midst of all of this I started back to school, working on my Masters in Criminal Justice.  It has been an interesting journey from May.  Been on break with no classes since mid October but they start back next Monday, 5th.  Transferred to Nova Southeastern in FL to finish.  Pretty interesting class starting, all about Firearms and Ballistics and the other one on Forensic Science.   Looking forward to these two.

Still hanging on to my insurance license, got too much time and money invested not to keep renewing it every two years and doing the continuing education.  I am in the midst of working on my AFIS (Agriculture and Farm Insurance Specialist) designation, so I guess taking the third part of that course will be my continuing education this year, that and the Ethics class that is required.

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Started by journey as a Jamberry Nail Wrap consultant in November.  Funny thing, I’d never heard of them until August of last year when a Face Book friend had a Face Book party and then became a consultant.  Wish I’d know about this company before.  Pretty new, started in 2010 and growing fast.  Check it out: http://www.eulasullivan.jamberrynails.net/ and anyone wanting info let me know.  Cool nail wraps and get paid to have pretty nails.  It’s only in the US and Canada right now.

Through all of this the last month has be trying on my health and dealing with blood pressure issues.  I am hoping that things will settle down again when school starts back next week and one of the grandkids will be back in school.  They have all been sick including the three year old.  This crazy flu and respiratory stuff is nothing to mess with.  If you are sick with this, go to the doctor, emergency room or something.  Kids are dying from it, scary crap!!

If we could keep all the vehicles around here running it would be a miracle.  Out of seven vehicles, three are down right now….OUCH  that’s a lot of $$$$’s going to be going out the door. can-stock-photo_csp7026993

This is about it for my crazy life.  Striving to increase my blogging and writing in this new year and accomplishing much more along the way.  With major home improvements looming on the near horizon it’s going to be a busy one.

 

 

 

 

 

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Merry Christmas!

The tree was decorated with the help of the three year old grandson.  He was never happy with it, kept saying it needed more lights and things.  So of course we kept adding and adding, but he was happy.

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He said he wanted a winter wonderland with my Christmas houses, but of course he had to add a train.  His big brother put his train up for him.  I thought he was going to add some of his Thomas the Train trains to it but he didn’t.

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On Friday after we got the decorations done it all caught up with me and I was sick.  Blood pressure up very high for the first time in about seven years and on Saturday morning – it was bad- I spent 1/2 day in the local Emergency Room.  Guess I have to deal with this crap again, and with classes starting back in a couple of weeks it couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

Even with the trials of Autism/Asperger’s being around, I am so thankful for my grandchildren to be as healthy as they are.  I can always look around and see others that are not doing as well.  Sometimes when the meltdowns hit we neglect to see the positives.  I think that we sometimes let ourselves get overloaded with what is going on in our lives and forget that we have it so much better than a lot of others.

Merry Christmas to all!!

Merry Christmas to all!!

Random thoughts

Writing 101, Day Nineteen: Don’t Stop the Rockin’

On this free writing day, remember the words of author Anne Lamott: “I don’t think you have time to waste not writing because you are afraid you won’t be good at it.”

Calgon bubblesor Jack in the Black or Margarita or something …. take me away. This has been the proverbial week from hell(o). I’ve been sick  sicklyall week and trying to finish two classes for school. Had two papers to write and got to study for final exam. Finally gave up and withdrew from a class that was starting this week so I can get over this crap that usually takes a month to get back to normal.

Been trying to mow the “back 40 acres” for the last couple of days but it keeps interrupting me with rain and more rain. Looks like a pasture for sure now, going to need a bush hog this time I think. Finally got some of it mowed yesterday for about 3 ½ hours and today it’s coming a flood again. Mr. Weatherman what’s up? weather.

Got to find a laugh somewhere in all this. Busy with work on top of that, this part time freelance stuff is worse that full time sometimes but the others make up for it in the long run. If it didn’t I would never have been able to start writing again. Looks like this weekend has ended in a bust as far as getting anything done outside today. We’ve been taking down a building to move to where we live, was going to try to finish that today but too much rain going on. Going to be hot this next week for the 4th of July looks like, however even the pool is not cooperating with me. It has a leak, so had to drain it and try to get it patched first of the week so it will be ready for the weekend. You would think a pool would last more than a couple of weeks before springing a leak for the price we paid for it. Grandkids had a blast playing in it, especially the 2 ½ year old, so it’s been worth it.

See ya on the flip side 36_19_4

Twelve year olds point of view….

 

Writing 101, Day Eighteen: 

Craft a story from the perspective of a twelve-year-old observing it all. For your twist, focus on specific character qualities, drawing from elements we’ve worked on in this course, like voice and dialogue. The neighborhood has seen better days, but Mrs. Pauley has lived there since before anyone can remember. She raised a family of six boys, who’ve all grown up and moved away. Since Mr. Pauley died three months ago, she’d had no income. She’s fallen behind in the rent. The landlord, accompanied by the police, have come to evict Mrs. Pauley from the house she’s lived in for forty years.

Today’s prompt: write this story in first person, told by the twelve-year-old sitting on the stoop across the street.

Today I came out on the front stoop for a while. It’s been really hot and stormy outside and mom wouldn’t let me come out in the storms. I couldn’t believe it when I saw the police and the landlord next door. Poor ole Ms. Pauley, I don’t know what she’s going to do. Mr. Landlord said she couldn’t pay her rent and he couldn’t let her stay any longer. I wonder where all those boys are hers are, why can’t they help her out. I know I would if I had any money, that’s what I told the man and the policeman too. I think he kinda felt sorry for her but I guess he’s just doing his job. Forty years is a long time, I can’t even understand how long, I can’t imagine it. It seems like it’s been forever since I turned 12 and that was just a few months ago.

She used to make cookies and ask me to come over and eat cookies and drink milk with her. Man, those chocolate chip cookies would melt in your mouth, wish I had one right now and a big cold glass of milk. Somebody has got to do something about this, it’s just not right. I gotta go get Momma, she’ll know what to do. “Momma, momma, where are you?” I listen, she’s on the phone with somebody telling them what is going on next door. When she hangs up, she’s smiling and runs out the door to stop the landlord. She just told them that she was on the phone with one of Ms. Pauley’s sons. He had no idea that his mother couldn’t pay her bills and was coming to get her and take her with him until they could get it straightened out. I was so scared for Ms. Pauley, now I know she’ll be ok and she even told me she’d send me some cookies. Whew, had me worried there.7

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Facing fears

Writing 101, Day Seventeen:

What are you scared of?  Address one of your worst fears.   If you’re up for a twist, write this post in a style that’s different from your own.

I am afraid to not being there for my kids and grandkids, or something happening and I can’t fix it for them. I know that I can’t fix everything or take care of everything for them. I’ve always been the caretaker and it is hard to let it go and not keep wanting to do it. When I was working full time I could more afford to do that but now I can’t and that really bothers me. I can spend more time with them now and hopefully that makes up for some other things. When kids are used to getting everything they want and more too from you it is hard for them to understand sometimes that things change. I am afraid of what will happen to them when I am no longer here, and I hate putting these words on paper. It just makes me face those fears more than I want to.

I am afraid that I won’t be able to handle my classes that I have signed up for. I have been sick this week and when I get this upper respiratory mess it takes me about a month to get back to whatever is normal for me. I won’t say normal, because as you guys have figured out by now, there’s nothing “normal” here… I had to withdraw from a class that was starting this week because I’m still trying to finish two other classes, write two papers and study for final exams.

What else am I afraid of?  I am afraid that something will happen to one of my grandkids, I’ve come close to losing two of them already and lost one shortly after birth. I am afraid that something will happen to one of my sons, came very close twice with my younger son years ago when he was a teenager. When you lose a child/grandchild I think you face your own mortality and don’t like what you see.

I have to force myself to deal with these fears and not let them consume me. I don’t dwell on them, I can’t, if I did I couldn’t function and take care of work, school and day to day “stuff”. We all have these same fears in some form or another, the key is figuring out how to deal with them.

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What not to do…

Writing 101, Day Sixteen: 

Today, imagine you work in a place where you manage lost or forgotten items. What might you find in the pile? For those participating in our serial challenge, reflect on the theme of “lost and found,” too. Imagine you had a job in which you had to sift through forgotten or lost belongings. Describe a day in which you come upon something peculiar, or tell a story about something interesting you find in a pile.

Oh boy, this one I can do …..LOL – not exactly as above but it’s about finding things that have been forgotten or old.

Several years and a lifetime ago (not really) I worked for an agency that was being sued. The owners did something that wasn’t agreeable with the powers that be, but without going into much detail it resulted in a lawsuit. We had to dig through mountains of information to provide the attorneys want they asked for (on both sides) going back even before the time in question.

I have been called a “pack rat” and this time it was in my favor because I knew where a lot of what was asked for was kept and why it was there. I went through months of this crap with answering questions and looking for information and answering more questions, even as to why I knew what I knew and why “things” were kept. Yes, “things” was a term used by the attorneys in the legal documents. Depositions, legal questions answered, information searched through, papers found, people contacted and on and on and on. This mess went on for more than three years.

Now when I have to look for something it really makes me beyond irritated. My patience is gone and I hate dealing with idiots more than ever. Some people will not listen to what you tell them no matter what and they think what they do is beyond reproach and nothing is going to happen.

I feel like there’s a book somewhere in all that on what NOT to do when you decide to make a change.

Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety… or is it? Who knows…..

Only families with children or grandchildren with Asperger Syndrome know how frustrating this can be. Is it a meltdown or is it a panic/anxiety attack? Do they really have a stomach ache or is it anxiety worrying about a test that’s 3 days away? Are they really still hungry after eating a meal or is it the anxiety telling them that??

It is estimated that up to 80% of children with Asperger Syndrome also experience intense anxiety symptoms. Anxiety Disorders such as OCD, Social Anxiety, and Generalized Anxiety Disorder commonly co-occur with Asperger Disorder. Little is known about what anxiety symptoms look like in children with Asperger Syndrome, the following symptoms, which overlap with Anxiety Disorders, indicate anxiety: avoidance of new situations, withdrawal from social situations, irritability, somatic complaints…

What are somatic complaints you ask … well here goes: Somatic complaints are those that have no medical explanation. They generally consist of gastrointestinal problems, constipation, heartburn, nausea, vomiting, colitis, migraines, headaches, back aches, and skin disorders. It is thought that these problems, although real to the person that has them, may be brought on by stress or emotional factors. Somatic complaints are difficult to treat because there are no underlying medical issues that are causing them.

What causes these anxieties? Reflecting parents’ anxiety – children pick up what their parents are feeling (fear, anger, etc.) Bullying – whether on purpose or accidental – unkind words and actions. Over responding to stress – did they forget a pencil or book or the least little thing. Unhealthy lifestyle – diet, exercise or lack thereof can all lead to anxiety – and this is only the tip of the proverbial iceberg. It’s a fine line we walk trying to figure it all out and most days I wonder if the “doctors” have it figured out. I think sometimes it’s by trial and error there too.

Children with both Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety Disorders experience a more limited world than children with only one disorder. They could have difficulty in adapting at home and in school by avoiding opportunities to make friends, join clubs and break their usual rituals to try something new.

Other anxieties may be seen and may be unique to children with Asperger Syndrome are increased insistence on routines and sameness, increased preference for rules and rigidity, increased repetitive behavior, increased special interest (electronics, etc.), anger outburst more easily, and acting silly at times. Silly – as in just plain silly no matter what the circumstance is, behavior that is not appropriate.

It’s a crazy world we live in and trying to get answers is oh so frustrating to parents/grandparents…. thinking about that we have to realize the kids are just as frustrated as we are most of the time.